The past year has been a rough one for the hubby and I. Between him having to work four jobs to make ends meat in this poopy economy until a teaching job opened up, wrestling season, living with the rents till we got on our feet and me being a tired blimp while pregnant to being a tired blimp postpartum, J and I time has all since vanished. Now I'm not even talking big stuff, like dare I say, a night to ourselves. But even the little stuff, like a kiss goodbye in the morning. It snuck up on us fast, too.
We were recently having a stressed out, kid screaming, dog whining, my head's going to explode kind of day and it oddly occurred to me, "When is the last time the hub and I really separated ourselves from this?" Now, let me put it out there loud and clear, I LOVE MY HUSBAND and HE LOVES ME, but marriage can be hard. We have entered a season in our relationship that actually, as scary as it sounds to some, requires a little work. Let's face it, as much as I love and adore those little germ buckets, kids muddle things. And the extra stress of a down economy, a cross country move, and living with family, just zapped all our effortless intimacy. However, we have always been really good at communicating our concerns before they get out of control. So, I feel blessed that we acknowledged the shortcomings in our relationship immediately and came up with a quick plan of action.
We were the two that started this family and when the kids are grown and gone, God willing, we are going to be the only two left. It's so easy to put the kids schedules and needs before our own, and at this age it's hard not to because they are so dependent still. Consequently, we have really been talking a lot lately about the importance of the little things. Big probably isn't realistic. And I have to say I'm much happier and I feel, so is Jason. I had forgotten in the craziness of life that men don't know anything about women and women think we know too much about men. The truth is, we both just needed to be blunt and brutally honest with our needs. I was feeling like I was last in Jason's long list of to dos and Jason felt like a paycheck and disconnected from our familiy.
It was a lot to hear at first, but encouraging because it was the first time that we just put it out there without fear of being hurtful or needy. It was just honest and really helpful. I had no idea Jason felt that way and vice versa. I realized that I write about and exhaust all my energy towards my girls. It's time that I devote some more gusto for my other half. That includes me speaking up instead of, as Jason puts it, being a martyr. We then started talking about ways to ease that a little on a daily basis. Since then I've gotten random little post it notes on the kitchen table waiting for me when I bring the girls in for breakfast, just saying I love you and have a great day. It's amazing how much that little reminder helps my day and improves my overall mood. In return, I'm more motivated to be more affectionate and take a chill pill with the girls and let Jason take the reigns. I know that it's not an end all fix all but it's a start and it's encouraging.
I loved him this day...
Four years later, I love him, admire him and have come to enjoy even the quirks :)
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